the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
