New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize