You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
