Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
