She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
