How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
