I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
