it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
