we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
