I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
