mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
