Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
