I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sext me about skeletons
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
