he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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