hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
