just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
zippers are such a cool invention
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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