I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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