Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
tell me about the eggs
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