I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
