standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
