I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
