Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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