First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
