I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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