Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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