Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize