After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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