my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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