i don't like sucking hair
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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