that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
