I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
