Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
