new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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