last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
