i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's always time for handjobs
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
