To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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