youre lurking in front of me
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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