half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
