Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
