I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize