Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
