i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
