Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
