if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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