He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
