This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
