babies were throwing up all over the place
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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