I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
