Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
