You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
