I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
