You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
