if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
