Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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