Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
