well you can't waste a boner
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
