grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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