i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
