honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I will be naked everywhere
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
