We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
