last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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