So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
