i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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