Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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