so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
me + whiskey = a bad person
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize