she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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