She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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