I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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