You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
