you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
