he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
