everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
