Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
