remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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