I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We just shotgunned beers for America
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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