38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
