Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
