Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
