He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
