I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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