Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
