Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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