i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
