1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize